Nothing Runs Like a Deere. Except, Maybe, a Goat.

Yesterday, Google reported on its blog that it occasionally brings in goats to trim its campus’s lawn. The story was one of the most-Twittered articles of the day. Some questioned the veracity of the report (a late April Fool’s Joke, perhaps?). With Google stock nearing $400 a share, many wondered why Google couldn’t afford to fire up the weed whackers. Surprisingly few asked why goats were getting all the good grass-eating jobs.

I bring this up because, apparently, I am the only man in America who is not shocked to hear that goats are an effective substitute for lawn mowers.

The government has been contracting work out to goats — or, rather, goat-owning businesses — since at least 2003, says a Lexis Nexis search. And I should know: a search for previous stories about goats-that-mow-lawns-for-cheap turns up an article I wrote nearly six years ago.

The article — which was written for The Washington Post‘s Federal Page — never actually ran in print. (The Baltimore Sun had published a similar, shorter story from the AP wire about goats a few months earlier, and The Post opted against running my piece. Yet it’s worth noting: I was only 16 when I wrote the goat story. I was so blown away by the fact that The Post thought that something I’d written was clever enough for publication that I didn’t even care that the piece went unpublished.) But with the help of Lexis Nexis, I’ve managed to resurrect the story.

I’ve run it in full below. It’s just something to — oh, God, am I really going here? — chew on for the rest of the day.

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July 22, 2003 Tuesday

GOT PESKY WEEDS? TRY USING GOATS

BYLINE: By Dan Oshinsky States News Service

LENGTH: 292 words

DATELINE: WASHINGTON

When Oakland’s Naval Medical Center needed to clear 109-acres of its property of pesky shrubs and high grass in order to prevent brush fires, officials didn’t think of using lawn mowers or weed whackers.

They brought in the goats.

About 600 capra hirci – including Alpine, Spanish and Lamncha breeds from Goats R Us in nearby Martinez, Calif. – will munch their way through the grounds starting next week, with the government footing the $38,000 dinner bill.

“The vegetation has to be controlled because it’s a fire hazard,” a contract specialist from the U.S. Navy’s Southwest Engineering Field Division said. “The goats are very effective, and the terrain is very hilly.”

The Navy has had contracts for fire control with companies whose employees are human, the contract specialist said, but the landscape warranted using a different method to rid the area of potential hazards.

Goats R Us owner Terri Oyarzun, who runs the business with her husband Egon, said that her goats should be able to easily deal with the enormity of the medical center’s property because the goats are used to grazing in all types of terrain.

“We do projects that are hundreds and hundreds of acres,” she said. “We work in park systems that are thousands of acres.”

Oyarzun estimates that a flock of 300 goats can easily clear out an acre of land – even areas covered by heavy brush – in a day.

Goats R Us was tapped for the project because of the medical center’s intricate landscape, Oyarzun said.

“It would be very expensive to put machinery there,” she said. “It’s not very desirable for human crews.” The property is currently shut down, awaiting a decision on how to turn it over to the private sector through the Oakland Base Reuse Authority.

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If you’re wondering, yes, Goats R Us is still around. And H/T to Klearchos Kapoutsis for the photo of goats on the Greek coast.

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