My Inability to Run Straight During Momentous Sporting Occasions

I’m running on the treadmill at the Mizzou rec tonight, moving at a fairly high speed, when something momentous occurred: Middle Tennessee State completed a hail mary touchdown pass on the final play of the game to beat Florida Atlantic, 14-13.

And I, so shocked by this sudden development, nearly fell off the treadmill.

Had the game involved two slightly more notable teams or, you know, not been played on a Tuesday night, I might have completely lost control and ended up with a face full of rapidly rotating belt.