Tag: advice you didn’t ask for

I’ve been listening to Mary Louise Kelly’s book, “It. Goes. So. Fast”, while taking my newborn son on walks around my neighborhood. It’s a book about a parent’s journey during her son’s senior year of high school, which makes for quite the contrast from my day-to-day. It’s tough to imagine my son graduating from high school — something that should happen in the year 2041! — but I know the years will go by fast.

It’s certainly been my experience so far. To be a parent to a newborn is to live on a schedule completely untethered from normal time. There are no clocks on newborn time; we operate hour to hour. There have been a lot of 4 a.m. feedings, and a lot of late nights. Time isn’t something we obey anymore — it just kind of happens while you’re busy with the baby.

But to operate on newborn time is to also live in the moment, as much as you can. The baby will never be this small again. They’ll never smell the way a newborn smells, or smile the way a newborn smiles. There is no going back; there are no do-overs.

And it’s an amazing reminder: Be present. Pay attention. Celebrate the moment.

It will be gone soon, and fast.

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That image of cars blurring past on the highway comes via Jake Givens and Unsplash.

I keep thinking about this thing I saw a few weeks ago in New York.

I was walking down the sidewalk, and as I looked ahead, I saw something I’d never seen before: A young woman was reading a book while she walked. And this wasn’t some act of passive reading — her face was buried in the book.

It was hard to miss. She almost walked directly into me — I had to slide out of the way to avoid her. (She didn’t seem to notice.)

I know people are busy. I know everyone’s trying to get the most out of their day. But not every activity is one that allows for multi-tasking.

If you truly care about something, you’ve got to make time for it. Maybe that means putting down your phone before bed and picking up a book. Maybe it means blocking out time on your calendar to read. Maybe it means subtracting something — fewer after-work drinks, more reading. Or maybe it means finding ways to responsibility multi-task. (Audiobooks are great for the commute!)

And if you’re walking through New York City, please: Walk responsibly.

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That photo of a Manhattan sidewalk comes via Dominik Leiner for Unsplash.

No one knows what happens next. We don’t know what things will look like in two weeks, two months, or two years. We don’t know if we’ll be working in offices again, traveling to conferences, or even sitting down at the table with loved ones. Sure, you can make a prediction about the future — but your prediction is little better than a guess.

What we’re living through is going to change us. As novelist Arundhati Roy wrote in April:

So how should you approach making a tough choice about an uncertain future? Try to think through two big questions:

What do you know right now? — Do your research. Read a lot. Talk with people you trust, and listen to what they have to say. Try to collect all the information you can about the situation.

What do you believe right now? — Trust your instincts. Think about what you need at this moment. Put all the options on the table, and make the best choice you can with the information you have.

You may not end up making the perfect choice in the long run. Again: To make the perfect choice for whatever’s next, you’re going to need to get a little bit lucky. But you do have the power to look at the current situation, ask the questions you need to ask, think through the options in front of you, and make the right choice for right now. 

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That photo of a clock on Fifth Avenue comes via Unsplash and photographer Trevor Bobyk.

My mother used to have this expression: “Hurry up and wait.” I remember when we used to go to the beach, and there was this one part of the trip that required us to get on a ferry. The ferry captain would announce that we’d be docking in 20 minutes, and people would rush to the exits, even though they weren’t going to be able to get off the boat for another 20 minutes. Mom always laughed at the idea of rushing to get to the exits before you could exit. We’d sit on the top deck of the boat instead, enjoying the final minutes of the ride into the dock. “Everyone else is just hurrying up to wait,” she’d tell us.

Right now, at this moment, we’re all dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. We’re calling airlines to ask for refunds on upcoming travel. We’re on hold with the doctor’s office. We’re waiting to check out at — or just to get in to — the grocery store.

We’re all going through this together, and not nearly as quickly as we want. The whole world, it seems, is in hurry up and wait mode.

These next few weeks — and months, if we’re being honest with ourselves — things aren’t going to be normal. Our lives are being disrupted, and things are going to change.

What I’m trying to remind myself is: Things will get moving again, and life will go on, even though we’re not entirely sure when. Things will happen when they happen.

In the meantime: Be kind to one another, and be patient with one another. These are stressful times. The least we can do is show kindness and patience in this moment.