Tag: people matter

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Ask For Advice. Be Willing to Listen to the Answers — Good or Bad.

Every year, I spend a few days with friends who also have their own solo businesses. The offsite, as I’ve come to know it, started with just one friend. It’s grown to a group of four — each of us with our own unique perspective on how to build a great business.

Last night, I gave a presentation to the group, where I walked through a few ideas for the future of Inbox Collective. Some were small ideas that I wanted suggestions about; one was a major moonshot for the business, something that would radically change the course of the business. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do something so big, something that might take Inbox Collective from a one-person operation into a pretty sizable business. But I wanted to know what they thought.

And I loved that the group had a unified response to that last idea: We love the idea as a business — but we’re not sure we love it for you.

It’s exactly what I’d been thinking, so to hear three friends immediately come to the same conclusion was heartening. Their hesitancy gave me confidence that I was already on the right track. Some ideas, even if they’re interesting, are worth saying “no” to.

Today, one of my friends here on the offsite tried to offer an apology. “I hope we weren’t too harsh about that last idea,” he said. I waved him off. I told him: I presented the idea because I wanted to know what you three honestly thought about it, and the fact that you all were so skeptical of the idea — and skeptical because you felt it didn’t line up with my current priorities and needs — told me everything I needed to know.

I wanted the feedback, good or bad. I’m glad I’ve got a group in my corner who can point me away from the ideas that don’t make sense for me.

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That’s a slide from my presentation to the group.

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Be Brave Enough to Ask For Help.

a bright sky over the Sixth & I synagogue in Washington, D.C.

There’s a great story in the New York Times this week about Michele Lowe, a former advertising executive, who now coaches rabbis on their public speaking skills and helps them improve their sermons.

I’ll quote this section directly:

Some of Ms. Lowe’s clients are confidential, concerned to be seen as needing a crutch. At first, Dara Frimmer, a rabbi at Temple Isaiah on Los Angeles’s Westside, was reluctant to share that she had sought help on a sermon.

“There is a fear that rabbis have to be wholly original and brilliant and poised and always have the right words,” Rabbi Frimmer said. But she came to realize that turning to community in a time of need was a profoundly Jewish ideal. “With great pride I wrote at the bottom: ‘Thank you to Michele Lowe.’”

Everyone needs a little help sometimes — even people like rabbis, who spend their careers speaking publicly. Rabbis lead public services and private services. They stand before their congregations at bar and bat mitzvahs and at weddings. They spend time with their congregants during moments of joy and sorrow.

And yet: They still need help! It takes courage to be willing to ask — and to truly listen to the advice being given.

No one has all the answers. Everyone — even the pros — has questions.

Always be willing to ask.

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That’s the outside of Sixth & I, a synagogue in Washington, D.C. The photo was taken by Ted Eytan and is used here thanks to a Creative Commons license.

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The One Thing I Truly Believe.

Every Thanksgiving, I write a blog post called “The Things I Believe.” And in it, I write the same thing: “Over the past year, there are certain things I’ve come to believe hold true. I know that my beliefs will continue to change. I know that I will change. But here, this year, is what I believe.”

I think being willing to change your beliefs is an amazing thing. It signals that you’re listening and learning. It says that you’re willing to grow as a person.

I know that in my life, I’ll continue to change and grow. But there’s one thing that I truly believe, one thing I don’t believe will ever change, and I think it explains a lot about who am I am and why I make the decisions that I make:

I believe that life is about the people you surround yourself with — the people you care about, the people you love, the people you stand up for. I believe that nothing is more important those relationships.

It’s not about money, or fame, or accolades. It’s about people.

It’s why I try to make things that are open to as many people as possible. It’s why I block out time every month for new conversations. It’s why I share what I’m learning with the people around me. It’s why I make time for birthday cards, anniversary texts, and regular catch-ups.

I’m not perfect at this. I know I can do more to build new and stronger relationships, and I know I need to more.

But this is what I believe: These relationships matter. Putting others first is what this life is all about.

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That photo of one of Pittsburgh’s many bridges was taken by Willie Fineberg.

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Celebrate the Little Victories.

My Washington Nationals are — and I can’t believe I’m typing this — heading to the World Series. They’re a remarkable story. On the morning of May 24, the Nationals were 19-31, with just a 22.2% chance of making the playoffs, according to FanGraphs. You can see what happened next, in the playoff probability chart above. They turned the season around, going from 12 games under .500 to finishing 24 games above .500. On Tuesday, they’ll begin a series vs. the Houston Astros for the championship.

How’d they do it? A lot’s been made of the chemistry on the team, or the positive attitude of manager Davey Martinez. But here’s another wonderful anecdote from MASN reporter Byron Kerr:

There is a long hallway between the coaches’ and manager’s offices and the training area next to the Nationals clubhouse on field level at Nats Park. Along this wall is a collection of baseballs positioned on a long single shelf that runs down the hallway. Each ball represents a win the Nats enjoyed so far in 2019.

Written on each baseball are the names of one or more players who, in the estimation of manager Davey Martinez, were the most valuable in each of those victories.

And as Martinez later mentioned in the piece:

Martinez’s players would come by during the season and pick up each ball and reminisce about that particular victory during their turnaround run.

“Every now and then, I see guys just going in there, staring at each ball and dates,” Martinez said. “And what we’ve done and how we did it. I could tell that they really appreciate it. You hear them say, ‘Oh, man, I remember this. Strasburg was dealing this day.’ Or, ‘(Gerardo) Parra. Grand slam this day in L.A.!’ They all talk about it and remember it. It’s pretty cool to hear ‘em call each others’ names out, knowing they all participated at some point.”

A baseball season’s 162 games long. Opening Day was nearly seven months ago. There are so many games, and it’s easy to forget about all the little moments that led to this one big opportunity. But I love the idea of the wall of baseballs. Every day, the players walk by that shelf and think about those daily achievements — the wins and the contributions that got them there. They’re a public reminder of the work that’s been done over the course of a season.

There are so many ways to bring an idea like this to your office:

      • Have an award that’s given out weekly/monthly to an outstanding teammate (and give out a physical trophy or prize that can sit on their desk)
      • Shout out a big achievement in an email to the larger team
      • Hold a regular all-hands meeting to celebrate team victories
      • Make a public space in your office to highlight teammates who’ve done great work
      • Stop by a colleague’s desk to privately say thank you for their effort

However you do it, celebrate those little wins. When your colleagues make a difference, make sure they know how much you appreciate it. You never know what a difference it might make.

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That graph at top is off the Nationals’s playoff odds throughout the season, as charted by FanGraphs.

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Make Time for You.

If you’re the bride or groom at a wedding — or if you’re just the host of a big party — here’s something I’ve learned: You have to make time to eat.

Sure, you spent a lot of money on the food at your party. You did a tasting. You thought carefully about what you wanted to serve. You were really excited to actually eat that one dish on the big day!

And then the big day comes, and you don’t eat. It’s your party, which means that every guest knows you, and every guest wants to come over and chat. It doesn’t leave you much time to actually eat.

The secret is: You have to make time to eat. You need to carve out time for it, separate from the party. (On our wedding day, Sally and I took 20 minutes after our ceremony to go into a private room to eat dinner, just the two of us. It was one of the best decisions we made all weekend.)

The same thing holds true for taking a managerial role at a company. There are going to be big, ambitious projects you want to take on — that you suddenly won’t have time for. You’ll have 1-on-1s, stand-ups, big meetings, calls, etc. Your time at work becomes your team’s time. Your week will be filled with meetings, and the stuff you want to do will end up getting pushed off to another day.

The challenge is figuring out how you want to make time for yourself and for the things you care about. At Stry.us, I made the mornings my time — anything between 6 and 9 was my time to write, plan out strategy, or work out. I’ve seen co-workers carve out big chunks of their week, adding two-hour blocks on their calendar where meetings can’t be scheduled and work can get done. Or maybe you want to limit your meetings to certain days — no 1-on-1s, let’s say, on Mondays, so you can get ahead on your tasks and projects for the week ahead.

Whatever you do, just remember: You have to make time for these things. Don’t be the person who didn’t get to enjoy the ice cream sundae bar at their own wedding — and don’t be the manager who never gets to work on their favorite projects because they couldn’t find a spare moment for it.

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That illustration is by Katerina Limpitsouni for unDraw.

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Here, Read This: “Inside the secret team dinners that have built the Spurs’ dynasty.”

When I was in San Antonio, I covered a fair number of Spurs games. Occasionally, I’d wander into the post-game interviews, and try to sneak in a question to Spurs coach Gregg Popovich. Popovich is legendarily cranky with the media, but he’s also one of the most interesting voices in sports — if you can get a peek behind the curtain.

And this week, we got a peek. ESPN.com has a great feature on Popovich, and his secret to building a franchise that has won five NBA titles. The key? Frequent team dinners:

“Dinners help us have a better understanding of each individual person, which brings us closer to each other — and, on the court, understand each other better,” former Spurs guard Danny Green says. On the road, whenever possible, the Spurs tend to stay over and fly out the next morning. “So we can have that time together,” former San Antonio center Pau Gasol says. “I haven’t been a part of that anywhere else. And players know the importance of it as well — and how important it is to Pop.”

Says one former player: “I was friends with every single teammate I ever had in my [time] with the Spurs. That might sound far-fetched, but it’s true. And those team meals were one of the biggest reasons why. To take the time to slow down and truly dine with someone in this day and age — I’m talking a two- or three-hour dinner — you naturally connect on a different level than just on the court or in the locker room. It seems like a pretty obvious way to build team chemistry, but the tricky part is getting everyone to buy in and actually want to go. You combine amazing restaurants with an interesting group of teammates from a bunch of different countries and the result is some of the best memories I have from my career.”

(Personally, I like the idea of wine and long dinners more than my 2012 theory: Good Teamwork Starts With Bad Adventures That Go Slightly Wrong.)

Read the whole story here — it’s fantastic.

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The Opposite of Division Isn’t Unity. It’s Collaboration.

A few months ago, Sally and I saw Dar Williams play in the city. Dar’s a wonderful musician (“One of America’s very best singer-songwriters,” The New Yorker once wrote, but what do they know?), and she’s had a fascinating career. She’s performed solo and in groups, championed environmental causes, and even wrote a book about rebuilding small towns in America.

When we saw her, she talked a little about what she learned from the book. She said, and I’m paraphrasing here: I’ve been to a lot of towns across this country. I know our country is divided. But the opposite of division isn’t unity — it’s collaboration.

Dar was talking about political division in this country, but I’ve been thinking a lot about that quote in the context of the modern workplace. So many offices seek to present a united front — a “we’re all on the same page” mentality. But it’s not enough to know what else other teams are working on. The best work comes from getting incredibly smart people in the same room, asking great questions, and looking to discover new things from one another. Or, as Dar once put it: “Where does magic come from? / I think magic’s in the learning.”

That’s where the best stuff happens: When teams aren’t just working in parallel, but start working together. That’s where you go beyond being aligned on goals, and start building something truly special.

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You Can Learn Something From Everyone.

The next time you meet someone new, try this: Assume they have something they can teach you.

It could be a coffee with a new acquaintance, a big meeting at the office with several co-workers, or a casual chat at a cocktail party. No matter who they are, or what they do, make that simple assumption: They know something you don’t, but they’d be happy to tell you more about it — if only you asked!

What happens when you meet someone and you’re curious to learn more from them?

1) You ask more questions.

2) You listen more closely.

3) You end up building deeper relationships with them — and perhaps sparking the types of conversations that can lead to new ideas and initiatives.

Just that one shift in perspective — this new person has something to teach me! — can change the way you approach a conversation. It can put you in a mindset where you’re curious to learn.

I know I’m sometimes guilty of shutting myself off from conversation before one even starts. I do it for all sorts of reasons: I’m busy, I’m tired, or I’m just disinterested. Sometimes, on my worst days, I’ll sit in on a meeting and think, “I know more than these people.” That’s always a mistake — I’ve eliminated the chance of learning something right from the start.

Instead, keep that open mindset. Ask lots of questions, and be willing to challenge yourself and your own beliefs. You never know when you’re going to meet someone who might teach you something new.

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That photo of a dog with big ears — the better for listening, obviously — comes via Kyle Smith and Unsplash.

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How To Network At Work.

If you want to be successful at a new job, there are only two things you have to do well: Ask great questions, and know lots of people.

Let’s talk about that second requirement for a moment. The people I’ve seen succeed at companies, both big and small, are the ones who can say: I know exactly who we should talk to for this project! At work, it’s not just about what you can do — it’s also about who you know.

So how do you get to know more people? Two strategies have worked well for me:

1) Have lots and lots of coffee — Reach out to colleagues just to say, “I’d love to hear what you’re working on!” Be curious, and learn more about what else is happening around you. Ask your co-workers to introduce you to interesting people that they’re working with. If you’re nervous about reaching out to new people, make it a weekly habit: Every Monday, email a new person to set up a coffee, and by the end of the year, you’ll have made dozens of new connections at your office. (Don’t be nervous that they won’t reply — most people love talking about themselves and their work! They’ll be thrilled that someone is interested and wants to listen.)

2) Congratulate your colleagues — When someone does good work — when they publish a new story or launch a big project — email them to say congrats. It doesn’t have to be a long email — a sentence or two is enough, and often hugely meaningful!

Remember: The more people you know, the more likely you are to know the people who can help you get stuff done around the office. So reach out for those coffees, and send those congratulatory emails. They do make a difference.

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That photo is by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.

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The Importance of Glue Work.

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I wanted to pass along this wonderful talk from Tanya Reilly, an engineer at Squarespace, where she talks about a concept she calls “Glue Work.”

What’s Glue Work? These are the behind-the-scenes contributions that someone puts in to help their team. At any successful company, there are always a few folks who quietly do this type of work. It’s not core to their job, and they don’t always get recognition for it, but it makes a difference.

And reading through her talk, it reminded me of something from sportswriter Seth Davis, who covers college basketball. Every year, he releases his All-Glue team: a list of unheralded players who elevate the play of their teammates. Here’s what he wrote in 2009 about J.T. Tiller, from my Missouri Tigers:

The Atlanta Celtics are one of the most glamorous programs on the amateur basketball circuit, which is why Mike Anderson, then UAB coach, watched them play many times during the summer of 2005. But instead of locking in on mega scorers, Anderson instead found his gaze drifting toward J.T. Tiller, a 6-foot-3 guard from Marietta, Ga., who was drawing scant interest from other high-major schools. “He was one of those kamikaze guys who did all the little things that add up to winning,” Anderson recalls. “He played so hard and gave everything he had, and he had a huge impact on the game just from a defensive standpoint. Most guys don’t get after it defensively during the summer, but this kid had no ego. He was all about winning.” …

Every coach asks his players to do the subtle, unglamorous things that don’t show up in a box score, but Tiller is one of those rare players who specializes in doing just that.

He is, in other words, the consummate Glue Guy.

I love this kind of teammate — unselfish, and committed to doing the extra work to make the team better. At Stry.us, all of us sometimes had to do Glue Work. I remember one reporting trip, to Joplin, to cover the story of a mosque burned down by arsonists. That day, I needed to serve as a last-minute photographer, an editor, a driver (and at one point, the last two things simultaneously, during one memorable drive down I-44). Having a team full of people who could glue things together meant that we could always get done whatever we desperately needed to do — but didn’t yet have.

On a great team, you need that glue. Reilly’s talk is a wonderful study of why it matters, and how those who do that type of work can make sure they get the respect, recognition, and career success that they deserve.

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That photo at top comes via the Elmer’s Instagram.

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