Tag: lessons learned

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It’s Not Worth the Fight.

Two people fencing

When I was younger, working as part of a larger newsroom, I had a bad habit: I always wanted to win.

This wasn’t about getting big projects done on behalf of my team. These were moments when I got hung up on some petty issue, decided someone was in my way, and that I needed to show them not just that I was right, but how right I was.

Why? Stubbornness, mostly. These were fights over tiny issues only I’d noticed. I wasn’t fighting over worthy causes — I’d found a few molehills, and decided to defend them like mountaintops.

But as I’ve gotten older — and in particular, ever since I started running my own business — I’ve learned that I need to give up on most of these fights. It helps to have a great support system that I can turn to when I’m feeling stubborn to remind me to ease up and move on. But it’s also just a matter of time: I can’t afford to waste time on these trivial issues. (I mean this literally: I bill by the hour. Losing a few hours over a silly fight is a money-losing cause.)

When I start to get stuck on one of these fights, I try to find the path of least resistance. Is there an easy way out? Is there an alternative solution? Is there a way for me to communicate clearly and quickly what needs to get done so we can all move on? I try to find the path, and then I get back to work.

At the end of the day, the work is more important than being right. It does you no good to go looking for the fight. Find the way forward, and keep moving on to bigger things.

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That photo is of a fencing match, and it was taken by Micaela Parente for Unsplash.

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In the Moment.

The longer this pandemic goes on, the more I’m realizing that, maybe for the first time in my life, I’m truly living in the moment.

Right now, I’m on a big road trip west. It’s the last road trip I expect I’ll take this year. There’s a lot of big work coming up, but nothing huge to look forward to. Usually, I’m too busy thinking about what’s next to focus on what’s happening right now.

But all that’s changed.

Here in September 2020, I’m trying to make the most of the moment, thinking about what I want to do today or tomorrow, but not much further than that. Usually, this is the time of the year when we’d be making big winter plans. We aren’t — anything beyond Oct. 1 feels too far away to plan.

Instead, I’m thinking about what books I want to read this week, what podcasts to listen to, what friends I might like to see (from a distance). I’m trying not to look too far ahead. This fall and winter, I expect, will be a little surreal. I’m going to be do my best to take it day by day.

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Be Silly.

Carl Reiner died this week. He was 98.

When I think of Carl, I think of his friendship and partnership with Mel Brooks — in particular, their work on the “2000 Year Old Man.” I remember listening to those records as a kid and being amazed at how funny they were. It was just two comedians having a conversation, but those records always made me laugh. (“How many children do you have?” “I have over 42,000 children. And not one comes to visit me.”)

What amazed me most was how silly they were. I think the “2000 Year Old Man” was the first time I realized that adults were allowed to be silly. Until then, I thought that was something only kids could be. I still tend to gravitate towards people who are silly — silly people have such amazing energy, and bring a sense of joy and wonder to everything they do.

The more I watched from Carl — from “The Dick Van Dyke Show” to “The Jerk” — the more I saw that silliness and playfulness in everything he did. As I’ve thought about him this week, it’s the quality I keep coming back to.

Thanks for the laughs, Carl. And thanks for teaching me to be a little bit silly every day.

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You Smug Assholes.

At The New Yorker, we had an inbox where readers could write to us with questions, comments, or concerns, and I made it my mission to check that inbox every weekday. Some days, it took me five minutes to go through and reply to all the emails. Sometimes, it took me an hour. But I always made time to reply.

Why? The New Yorker couldn’t exist without its readers. Revenue from readers — subscription revenue, plus revenue from events like The New Yorker Festival — is what allows that newsroom to keep publishing. So the thought was simple: Readers are what allow us to do our jobs, so we should always be making time for them.

I’ll never forget an email I got in 2019. The subject line read, simply: “You smug assholes.”

I replied to just about every email in that inbox, and many of those conversations were tough ones. Just from the subject line, I knew a little about what I was getting into with this particular email.

The reader had a few issues: They were upset with the magazine’s politics, they were having trouble with their subscription, and they had a few questions about our editorial process.

Over the course of a few emails, I answered their questions one by one, and checked in with certain editors so I could offer an informed reply to certain topics. I helped troubleshoot their subscription issues. And slowly, the tone of the conversation began to change. I tried to do my best to listen and to ask. I tried to do my best to help.

And by the end of our thread, this reader wrote back to tell me: “Thank you so much for your help. I love The New Yorker, and can’t wait to be a subscriber for years to come.”

Over the course of a few emails, we went from “You smug assholes” to “a subscriber for life.”

It’s a reminder for me, especially now: Don’t be afraid to have a difficult conversation. Listen to the people around you, and make sure you’re opening up channels to hear from all sorts of voices. Make time to listen, learn, and ask. You never know where those conversations might lead.

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That photo at top, titled “Day 52/366: 2/21/12 – New Yorkers”, by memsphere, is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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The One Thing I Truly Believe.

Every Thanksgiving, I write a blog post called “The Things I Believe.” And in it, I write the same thing: “Over the past year, there are certain things I’ve come to believe hold true. I know that my beliefs will continue to change. I know that I will change. But here, this year, is what I believe.”

I think being willing to change your beliefs is an amazing thing. It signals that you’re listening and learning. It says that you’re willing to grow as a person.

I know that in my life, I’ll continue to change and grow. But there’s one thing that I truly believe, one thing I don’t believe will ever change, and I think it explains a lot about who am I am and why I make the decisions that I make:

I believe that life is about the people you surround yourself with — the people you care about, the people you love, the people you stand up for. I believe that nothing is more important those relationships.

It’s not about money, or fame, or accolades. It’s about people.

It’s why I try to make things that are open to as many people as possible. It’s why I block out time every month for new conversations. It’s why I share what I’m learning with the people around me. It’s why I make time for birthday cards, anniversary texts, and regular catch-ups.

I’m not perfect at this. I know I can do more to build new and stronger relationships, and I know I need to more.

But this is what I believe: These relationships matter. Putting others first is what this life is all about.

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That photo of one of Pittsburgh’s many bridges was taken by Willie Fineberg.

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Three Things I’ve Learned About Working From Home (So Far).

Back in August, I started working from home for Inbox Collective. And with much of the world joining me in remote work (at least for a little while), I wanted to share a few learnings about how to work well remotely:

1.) You have to wear pants — When I first started doing this, there were days when I tried to work in sweatpants… and it just didn’t work. Sweatpants are for sick days and weekends. I realized quickly that I needed to dress like I was still going into the office. That meant showering and putting on pants. (I mostly wear shirts with a collar, too.) As I ramped up video calls with clients, that gave me an additional reason to dress professionally, even as I worked alone from home.

2.) Make yourself a real work space — Designate a space in your home — ideally a desk — just for work. Again, I’ve tried working in other spaces (the couch, the dining room table), and it’s just not the same. I’m someone who needs that designated work space to really focus. Bonus points for picking a space that’s far from a TV — doing work while watching Netflix in the background isn’t really work.

3.) If you’re going to be on video calls, make sure you’ve got good lighting — I picked up these USB-powered LED lights from Home Depot and highly recommend them. They emit a nice little glow to make sure you’re well lit on your calls. It really does make a difference!

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That is not my desk — it’s just a photo by Aleksi Tappura for Unsplash.

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Be Prepared.

When I interviewed a candidate at BuzzFeed for a role on the newsletter team, I always asked the same first question: Do you subscribe to any of our newsletters?

These were candidates who’d applied specifically for a job on the newsletter team. They’d submitted resumes and cover letters for the role. We’d read through them, picked the candidates we’d liked, and set up a quick phone screener — 20 minutes on the phone to ask a few questions. Each candidate had a few days to prepare for that interview.

And yet: Probably forty percent of the candidates I interviewed immediately said “no” to my simple question: Do you subscribe to any of our newsletters?

I was always astonished by that. How could so many people know absolutely nothing about the types of work we’d done? Signing up for a newsletter was remarkably easy, and free. And yet two out of every five candidates failed to do even that.

In all the interviews I did, I can’t recall a single candidate who answered “no” and got a second interview.

I tell that story now because I’m reading “In the Land of Men,” a memoir by Adrienne Miller about her time working at GQ and Esquire. In it, she tells the story of her first day of work, walking through the office with GQ editor David Granger:

“As Granger and I spoke, it became apparent that I did have one thing going for me: I was able to talk about past issues of GQ. Later, he said that I got the job because I was the one person he’d interviewed who’d actually even bothered to open the magazine.”

“ ‘Never underestimate how unprepared most people are,’ he would later observe, correctly.”

The bar to clear in a first interview is pretty low: Show up on time, have a few questions ready to ask, and make sure you’re knowledgeable about the place you’re interviewing at. That minimum effort won’t get you the job — but it might be enough to get you to the second round of interviews.

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Email Is For Action.

Before you send an email to a colleague, ask yourself one question: What do you want them to do when they get this email?

The best emails are the ones that have a clear next step. Email’s the perfect way to:

      • Get a quick answer to a question
      • Set up a meeting or call
      • Review a document
      • Connect two colleagues

And when you send the email, make sure the subject line of your email conveys that immediate action. (For instance: “Here’s the contract for our upcoming work”, or “Can you review this document by Friday?”) Get right to the point, and make sure that the call to action is right there so you get the fastest possible reply.

Email’s great for action, but unfortunately, it’s a lousy place to start a discussion or have a deeper conversation. I’ve always found it far better to have that sort of conversation elsewhere: In person, on the phone, or even via a chat tool, like Slack. If you need that kind of depth, send the email to set up the meeting, but then move things to a better forum.

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Be Good To Each Other. Enjoy Every Moment.

My grandma passed away this week — she was 96 years old. The past few days, I’ve been thinking about something she told us a few years ago. My brother and I went to visit her, and at the end of our visit, Grandma made sure to mention something to the two of us. She said: “Be good to each other. Enjoy every moment.”

When I think about her today, and always, I’ll try to remember those words.

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One Lesson From Remote Work: You Have To Find Time To Pause.

I’m just a few months into working remotely as I grow Inbox Collective. There’s a lot I like about it. For one: I’m writing this from Utah, where I’ve been working for the past 10 days. It’s been fun getting to work in a new place (and then getting the chance to ski when I can).

But something I’ve learned about remote work: Your office is wherever you are. If you’re on a plane and there’s decent WiFi, that can be your office. If you’re on a chairlift checking your email, that’s your office. If it’s midnight, and you’re at home, on the couch, laptop open, well, that’s your office.

When you’re remote, it’s easy for the work to follow you around all day. I wake up, walk over to my desk, and often start my day by 7 a.m. But if I’m not careful, it can be 10 p.m., and I’m still there, working hard. And I’ve learned quickly that that’s not a recipe for success. If I try to work long hours every day, including weekends, I’l burn out.

So I’m trying a few things this year that are a little different to make sure I keep that balance between work and play. Here’s one: I’m pushing myself to make 90 minutes every day, in the middle of the day, for a pause. I can go to the gym, take a walk, step out for lunch, or get coffee with a friend — but I have step away from the desk for a little bit.

Here’s another: I’m going to set a time to shut down work at the end of the day. (It’ll be around 7:30-8 p.m.) I’m thinking of this as the “pencils down!” request your teacher probably gave you in high school at the end of a test. There’s always going to be more work, and I can’t just work all day. I’ve got a lot on my plate — consulting work through Inbox Collective, work on Not a Newsletter, and speaking gigs. I know I have to find time to pause.

We’ll see how this goes in 2020. I’m hoping that creating this time for breaks gives me the time to focus on the other things happening in my life — and hopefully, gives me the energy to come back and tackle bigger work projects in the long run, too.

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That illustration is by Katerina Limpitsouni for unDraw.

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